Off Switch

Sleep evades me
Though I embrace it more often these days
Longing for that heavenly dose of shut eye
Yet staring at the ceiling
Feeling frustrated
Descending into hell
Feeling anxious
And depressed
When all I desire is your touch
The lucky bastard who happened
To come into my life
When I needed you the most
I want to go back to bed right now
Though I've just gotten up
Perhaps I'm afraid to be the tigress
The one that I know I am
Before he rejected me
My deluge of feelings and emotions
Are my own worst enemy
I'm crumbling
Falling
It doesn't really matter what circle if hell where I reside
If i don't self soothe and figure it out soon
I won't survive
I worry and weep
Knowing he went away
Unwillingly
But abandoning me
I acknowledge I'm struggling
Today I write down the negative thoughts
Plaguing me
I rationalize my worries
Keeping them in perspective
Talking to myself
Calmly
Recognizing the thought patterns
In my head
Though there is no on off switch
I am aware
Cognizant
I notice them
And work with them
Combating any impending worry
I am exhausted
Yet unable to sleep
I am alone with my thoughts
For the first time all day
I will learn to unwind
Build in time for meditation
And relaxation
Things will get better
The cycle will be broken
For now I remain numb
And want to go back to sleep