Hold the Applause

I feel the heat from my skin radiating
From my head to toe black
I feel the stress from the impatient
Waiting as time ticks away
I feel overwhelmed as I tackle one impediment after another
I feel myself catch my breath
As I struggle to make sense out of assumed normalcy
I feel the courage of my convictions when eyes witness the disquietude within me
And support the changes I must make
At times I feel ready to accept a need to be happy
While tonight I feel lost as the curtain closes and I am left alone
Abandoned
Lost in a New Orleans reverie of Count Basie and Louis Armstrong that improvises and swells and defies the staccato rhythms of a wayfarer ' s soul. 

Stirrings

A bed of love's security
Hear me I cry
For if my voice is denied tonight
Surely I will die
Egyptian cotton calls to me
Cradled between the sheets
My leg draped over yours
Surely can't be beat
Interstices of my mind
Fireflies of my soul
Pedestals of passion
More than you'll ever know
Please trust that I loved you
But the sad songs of guilt won
The soft earth at my feet
The assuaged damage now done
Time devours my longing
Wisdom soothes my fears
Boundaries of propriety
Warms the fallen tears
My naiveté consumes me
My curiosity swells
When good people are hurt
The residual effects dwell
With barriers of my mind open
Celebrating free at last
Your sadness will be temporary
In years it will be past
From ashes to ashes
And dust to dust
The overwhelming consciousness
Torches the scorpion's lust.

Twisted Sister

Deeper and deeper
Into the labyrinth of forgotten fear
Beyond the years of feeling
Ready for a release
Long overdue
Summoning
Until tears answered tears
Knowing I would never
Again be consumed
By complacency
And neglect
Within the chains of indifference
Worse than all the Satyrs and
Minotaurs of the night
That creature
That one who would free me
From the confines of femininity
Cumbersome as it may be
Lonely and vulnerable
Head down
Waiting for the bell to ring
A taunted freak
Stop hurting me I scream
Can't you see you're killing me?
No stopping
No safe word
Worn out
I must deserve this
Years of abuse
Is that it?  Is it over now?
My Minotaur
My Satyr
Is that you?
I didn't look up to see your face
But the fertile depths of my mind
Knew you were there
Watching
Waiting
Hoping to lure my troubled
Soul into the light.

Too Late

A sickness that consumes
A decision prolonged
Conflicting questions
Silencing the wrath of God
Edwards whispering in my ear
Might as well be damned now
The voice of God muted
Though he speaks to the child in me
That little girl who wanted to dance
Be a ballerina
In her pink tutu
At the Eastman School of Music
New York City
Tired blistered feet
But a big genuine heart
And rhythmic soul
Another voice follows you
Past the weeping willows
Of the duck pond
Saying to hell with your dreams
You will never be a dancer
You'll never take the stage in The Nutcracker
You cannot star on Broadway or imagine a supporting role
To hell with your dreams
To hell with you
To hell
Hell
And so the albatross hangs
Through years of pretend normalcy
No one's fault
Yet begetting ghosts of regret
Nights of solitude
Giving refuge to your dreams
Your embattled illusions
Hoping someday
To reconnect
Loneliness
Yellowed wedding cake
All you want to do is give
When there is no way to give
No reason to keep living
With no way out of the grave of norms
The one that binds
The voices
Silent

Like a Fairy Tale

Let my lips bid you hello

And my arms never adieu

For I want to spend a lifetime

Waking up next to you

I chose you from the start

When we were talking on the phone

You listened to me

And I was no longer alone

And we made it happen baby

Just like a fairy tale 

We made it happen baby

I believe I believe I believe in miracles

We made it happen baby

Only time will tell

I choose to have and hold you

And support you through all fears

To laugh to mourn to scream and shout

Prevent me from drowning in my tears

When you hurt I hurt

Tonight I cry myself to sleep

I want to take your pain away

So tonight all I do is weep. 

Pandora

Yellow Amnesia
Griselda Blanco
Wild Cherry
Psychosis Cheese
Vanilla Sky
Boggle Dragon
Beast Mode
Sherry Berry Chocolate
Pakistan Ryder
Panama Red
Fallen Angel
Lucky Charms
Pink Widow
Phoenix Sun
Alaskan Delight
Pineapple Princess
Point of No Return

Be Still

Be still sweet child
The time is near
Be still sweet child
I sense your fear
You're going to be with me forever
So do not be afraid
Acceptance comes
From birth to grave
Be still sweet child
I love you my pet
From the moment we met
There have been no regrets
I love you
And am always here

Beyond the Clutter

Elephant bookends
Basil leaves
Dusty pages
Summer breeze
Propeller blades
Butter knives
Silk stockings
Desperate lives
Secrets and wishes
Parcheesi and toast
Sacrament of marriage
Communal host
College campus
Books and things
Lonliness
Twisted wedding rings
Depressive darkness
Suffocating black
Sarcoma myeloma
Crucible cracks

Only an Illusion

I see a mess in the mirror
You see a girl of your dreams
I see a broken wreck of my body
You see a curvy cutie
I see a woman who isn't a good person
You see a dainty angel of grace
I see my sad countenance
You hear my laughter in your dreams
I see a depressed wife
You see a bombshell ready to explode
I see an incompetent teacher scrambling
You see a dynamic professional ready to inspire
I see a bad mother
You see a loving and compassionate one
I see a friendless girl standing by her locker alone
You see a pretty face you'd like to know
Why can't I see what you see?

Sister Moon

Sister moon
Find my
Battered soul
You lie in the heavens
Bearing your immortal glow
Irridescent
Sparkling
Sacrosanct
And pure
Juxtaposed
Against all who view
Such as me
Who am I
And why am I here?
The lies I have told
Secrets that I keep
They haunt my many walls
Beckoning monsters
Out of the deep
Deep
Deep
Deep into the heart of Texas
A sojourn to Texas
Alabama next
Searching for peace
She hasn't found it yet
The lycanthrope howls
But he doesn't
Exist
Tangible fur
With a place to rest
Lie my head down
As I loosen my mask
Unbuttoning my blouse
My panties are last
Sister moon
I crave and I lust
Hungry to quench
Wild abandon I trust
To know and submit
To dress
And stand nude
Dominant yet submissive
Seemingly crude
Tonight I give it all
I always have
Know that I love you
Please be glad
So though our hearts
Are separated
And life isn't fair
Know that I love you
I long to be there
Brother bear
Sister moon
Smile upon me
Please convince me
I am good
Rescue me
Before
It's
Too
Late