Choking

I'm afraid I'm going to fall
And you won't be there
To wipe the blood
Dry my tears
And tell me everything
Is going to be okay.
As you touch my skin
And the flames unite
I feel whole again
For the first time
In a long time
Or ever.
And then you're gone
And I've forgotten to
Show you how much
You mean to me
Under the covers
At night
Alone
Hearing you whisper
My name
Once again
I deny myself
Any perceived pleasure
In favor
Of cradling my head
In your arms
Imagining your touch
Fatherly now
Feeling loved.

The Grace of Gratitude

In the middle of the night
One of those dark anguishing nights
Where the soul longs to leave the body
And the grueling nature of the trial by fire
Pushes me beyond the edges of this precarious thing called life,
Plummeting to the depths
And contemplating more than I could withstand,
I had to make a choice: 
Was I in or was I out? 
With despair eating a hole through my life every day
I chose life
And while the storm continued,
the wary wrath of the storm began to abate
Becoming softer
I started to relax as the miracle of gratitude began to work
Tasting the sweetness
Making peace
Recognizing the gifts
In the bleakness of the desert.  I am grateful for my beloved children who love me unconditionally,  my mom who is battling cancer and fighting for her life each and every day, not being depressed as often, the heaviness lifting some days more than others, the authentic personalities of students who use satire as a way of coping with the paradigm shifts and misaligned emphasis on standardized tesring, and finally and I am thankful for celebrating the sacrament of reconciliation with my youngest, even though two of the four priests were sick and we had to wait a long time.

Aphrodisiac

A generous portion of love
A little sex
In an aphrodisiac of moments
Molding spiritual nature
And animal nature
Celebrating that which is unique
And wonderfully human
Letting go
Trusting ones instincts
And the subtleties of arousal
Three pillows
Silk stockings--black, seamed
A blindfold
Rose petals
Two ice cubes
A feather
One hundred candles
A silk tie or scarf
Bailey's Irish Creme
Chocolate pudding
A mirror
A video camera
Listening to ones senses
Ones body
Taking time
Listening to self
Watching her
In this intimate interlude
Where God would approve
Between an imaginary husband
And his imaginary wife.  

An Exploration of Dreams

A glimpse
Into my deepest desires
A romp with a stranger
Or a romantic interlude
With an exotic dancer
An intimate dinner with a millionaire
Bachelor on his yacht
Or on a private jet
Creatively exploring
Our mutual attraction
In my vanilla nightshade
I don't live my fantasies
Life is real
And fantasies are shared
We sit across from each other
Our bedroom eyes still piercing
After 30 years
Two pads of paper
A sexual fantasy on each
Risking self
As anxiety exchanges glances
We trade papers
Read quietly
Ask questions
Clarify
We giggle and laugh
Overcoming our awkwardness
This is between the two of us
Freud would clap for me
It's easy to be bold when one is loved
Love flourishes
He is not my husband

Ode to Joy

I come to you in acts of submission
Kneeling at your feet
Our love manifests its fruition
Like two dogs humping or two cats in heat.

My body bubbles ecstasy
Blouse unbuttoned wide
You lift my chin to meet your eyes
I don't have a chance to hide

The training collar placed around my neck
Wearing it proudly I adore
Making you satisfied and complete
I am your dirty little whore

The hula slut sits on your shelf
Swaying her hips like Curly ' s tart
Unaware of your hand, the paddle, or the
belt
The Lei that binds her breasts and the whack and whack and whack that smarts

My ass is red
Heart is content
Master Sir ' s dominant head
Has this insatiable sub finally spent

He tucks me in
Spooning me asleep
Pussy still throbbing singing
Rocking my gratitude deep

When the rain drizzles on the house
And I am lost in my dreams
I am serving and giving out pleasure
Happy for the joy it brings