Skeleton Flesh

Twenty three hours
It's a long time waiting
Still haven't eaten
Or swallowed a drop
I'm queasy and broken
This can't last much longer
I see your reflection
Though you're not really here
Haunted by the intangible
Frightened by fear
I shake and I tremble
Hoping to feel
Though my marriage is over
It's so very real
This is one thing I'm in control of
Though twisted I know
In the shower I'm shaky
Now I'm cold to the touch
Shivering and convulsing
Numb in the mirror
Perhaps weight loss will happen
And someone will notice
Hooked up to wires
As you hold my hand
And say you won't leave me
That you understand
That you understand
That you understand
That you understand

Tying the Knot

Personal and unique
Snaps of expression
Not like the photography of my day
Gone are the super staged
Awkward prom photos
With the bride and groom
Hovering in a wine glass
Perfectly centered
With a soft filter on
Fresh and real
The rules are gone
Though I still cling to tradition
Time to evolve
I know this
I want to believe
I want to make it my day
Embrace me
Be genuine
An intimate guest list
Grown between a fine-art
Heirloom photo album
Revisiting family traditions
And cultural heritages
Who am I?
Why am I in this mess?
I hardly remember walking down the aisle
The first time
Today is a day for remembering
And weeping
Glowing the way unwanted things do
Like a neon sign
Guiding me to the taste in someone else's mouth

Restraint

I give myself six days to forget you
on the first day I keep myself busy
frequenting the casino with a girlfriend
on the second day I rust
staying in bed with the sheets pulled up to my chin
on the third day I clean my bedroom purging clothes from my closet
on the fourth I read a book but I am distracted,  feeling your touch
sweeping across my body and your tongue teasing my nipples
on the fifth day I try to erase your scent
from my sheets but it lingers even still
on the sixth day I adorn myself with leather and lace, lay in bed imagining you
cupping my ass
as I wrap my legs around you
cradled in your arms as you pull me near.  i am safe, in love, and home at last.

Pioneer

Although the world is large,
It is a little smaller now
More intimate
Delicate as your hands
Beyond my backyard on Michigan Street
Past the metal bars that protected me
From life beyond the alley
I still cling to that which is familiar
When I was little I would twirl on this rusty bar dreaming of being an actress
I wasn't afraid
Even when Jimmy ' s ball pummeled into
My left eye, I persevered
Kept going
Amidst the blood
The fear
The stitches
And the pain
Today I reach out
Still a timid soul
Though grounded in your spirit
Looking forward to nursing
My calloused hands
And stepping out into the Arizona sun.

Caged Bird

I am awake
I cannot sleep
I dream of you
I'm in this deep
Long ago
You whispered here
opened up
And didn't fear
We had it all
One time long ago
I spoke to you
I let you know
You promised once
We'd still be friends
The sun has set
This is the end
This is the end
I know it is
Holding you
Hers and his
And now I'm here
And you are gone
The desert weeps
I trudge along
My steps are heavy
Soul is dark
We lost our window
Extinguished spark
I said I'm sorry
She did forgive
But I am dead
So you may live
I give to you
Over and over again
No longer lovers
No longer friends
I cry at night
In my dreams
Expected fantasies
Or so it seems
My soul is broken
Heart is trashed
Affinities lasting
They will outlast
Suffocate my spirit
Let me rest
Unchain my longing
Buttons come undressed
Peeking through the window
The window in your eyes
I don my mask
Cast down the marital lies
Can't stop feeling
Sometimes I'm even numb
Can't stop grieving
Becoming so undone
Spinning circles
In the air
Just hold me tightly
Fingers through my hair
Don't want to settle
Just want to feel
Love me love me
Confirm that this is real
So the next night I am sleeping
You are next to me
Caressing my body
Letting me be free
Letting me fly free
Letting me fly
Free

Self-Esteem

I'm going to like me
Someday I am
Confident
Secure
Happy
Being me
No fears
Or irrational
Abandonment
Issues
In love
Emotionally
Physically
Fulfilled
I'm going to like me
When I make mistakes
Improving each day
Laughing
At
The
Idiosyncrasies within
Smiling without
Giving of time
Heart
And soul
Cuddling up tight
Knowing I am sleeping
Safe
All right
I am me.

L'Auberge

I always thought
We'd be together
As friends
Knowing each other
So well
We'd flirt with the taboo
But never cross
The banks of the Oak Creek
So little time has passed
Some days I'm angry
Most days I'm sad
My heart remains heavy
Shaded by the towering sycamore trees
Surrounded by L'Auberge's cottages
The primitive log cabins
From the outside
Appearances can be deceiving
On the inside the rustic exterior
Gives way
To classic French style
Brown leather sofas,
Roaring fireplaces,
Silk sheets
Plush towels
Assorted amenities
Do you ever think of me?
I sit here in Sedona
Looking through the glass-walled
Dining room
Already knowing
Luxury has shattered
And so has the ordinary
No vacancy
Jehovah's Witness Convention
In town.