Futility

Vanilla ice cream
Started my neurosis
It must have
Sitting in a Styrofoam cup
In the freezer
I asked where it came from
And he shook his head
Maybe you should see your doctor
If you can't remember where it came from
What am I supposed to do?
I can't think about the past
Or hypothesize about the future
When I stay in the moment I worry
Or cry or get mad or overwhelmed
By a plethora of emotions and thoughts and anxieties filling my head swarming around like the wasp that was flying about our house earlier today
Nothing is definable
Or tangible like it was last week
When I was in your arms
You held me and said everything was going to be all right
Our days continue to be consumed
With emptiness and senselessness
My days must parallel others
I can't be alone in my malaise
Or am I alone?
The Hersey syrup bubbles as I squeeze the last few drops out of the bottle
The ice cream soothes my throat
Hopefully giving voice to the throat chakra that has vanished over the years
I doubt I suffer from any clinically definable neurosis yet
Yet I've been wrong before
I deleted your messages finally today
Whisperings of that little black dress
Echoing in my ear
It is time to forget
And time to remember
Time to move on
And time to reflect
Utter futility is all I have to say
That's what life is
I see my doctor at ten tomorrow
I'll tell him I enjoyed the ice cream.