Hi S-Person,
Surprise! It’s mean again. After waiting this long to hear from me, now
I’m writing twice in one day. You don't mind if I come more than once, do you? I just
spent the last two hours helping Margaret get ready for the holidays. Her lupus is in quite a funk and she is
exhausted. She is resting now, and I am
wrapping presents. Although she was able
to come home from the hospital, she is not doing well. Fluid has gathered around her heart and her
kidneys are starting to fail. Trying to
keep her comfortable. I’m done wrapping
and I’m chilling on my couch and watching the Stars-Kings game on my
tablet. It would certainly make my day
if the Stars were to lose this. (I might
even be forced to be happy if that happened).
I
think one reason for my being moody lately, besides all of the obvious ones, is
that I’ve been kind of tired and run down.
Getting up at 6:00 in the morning to play ball with the guys has cut
down a little on my sleep, and being in the heat can really zap your energy
after a while. Sometimes it can really
be surprising what a difference being tired makes. And while I’m on the subject of my moods, I
want to say thanks for being supportive on the phone last night. I know you had had a little more than a
little to drink, but nevertheless you were your giddy upbeat self that I so
adore. I know you wanted to talk longer
(granted I did too), but you helped knock a little self-pity out of me, which
is something I needed. Delicious as
always. Just whatever you do S-Person,
don’t change a thing. I enjoy our
meandering, overly personal, flirty, pouty, mildly embarrassing chats where
your inhibitions are gone and you tell me what you like in bed. <He says, pushing his luck.>
Anyway,
I just listened to Bruce Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love” CD a little while ago,
and I got the poetry bug in me. My poem
didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped, but that’s okay. I’ll write it down in a minute for you to
see. I don’t know if you’re familiar
with the song “Tunnel of Love,” but it’s a view of a relationship played out
through the tunnel of love at a carnival.
There’s a line right at the beginning as the couple goes into the tunnel
that to me says volumes in just a few scant words: “The lights go out and it’s just the three of
us, you, me, and all that stuff we’re so scared of…” that line, among others was the inspiration
for the following little gem.
I want you
And you want me
I thought that’s how
It was supposed to be
But we’re spending our time
By playing this game
No fingers to point
We’re both to blame
We spend too much time
Remembering when…
Both of us scared
To be hurt again
We’re fighting ourselves
And it’s all such a shame
We keep pushing away
But we both feel the same
No matter what happens
I hope in the end
We can see it all through
And you’ll still be my friend
But will it be more?
It remains to be seen
Will love become reality
Or just stay in my dreams
Okay, okay S-Person, hold your
applause. It’s kind of sing songy and
while I realize it’s not much, it’s my way of expressing what I see going
on. I like to watch remember? Like I just shared with you over the phone,
it’s only supposed to be an observation, nothing more. I’d like to know your reaction to it
sometime. Not artistically, but rather
your opinion as to whether I am on track or not. Sometime when we’re both comfortable with
each other and we’re living a little nearer to each other, I’d like to exchange
some writings. You’ve seen my writings
on my blog, but I would like to see some of the things that you’ve written
to.
I
hope that sometimes I don’t seem a little too forward or forceful when I talk
to you (especially our recent late evening phone calls). I’ve just gotten to the point where I feel
comfortable being open and honest with you about my feelings. Since I don’t feel like I have too much to
hide, I’m afraid that sometimes I might come on a little too strong. Although I am married, I’m not ashamed of my
feelings, just a little unsure of how to deal with them once in a while. Please bear with me and don’t let me scare
you off if I sound too serious (There’s that word again). And now it’s after 11:30, so I’m going to
sign this off and get to bed. 6:00 a.m.
rolls around awfully fast. Thanks a lot
for calling tonight. I feel lucky that I’ve
met you and am now in the process of witnessing you change your life for the
better. I have no idea if I helped you
do that <I like to think I wielded some slight influence>, and I think
you are making good choices. S-Person, I’m
sorry that the call had to end on kind of a down note. I’ll try to make it up to you somehow the next
time we talk. Be thinking of how I can
do just that. Do you want to try the web
cam? Well, I look forward to talking to
you next week sometime, so until then be good and think about me once in a
while. Fuck! The Kings were not victorious. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Thinking of you .
Love,
Max
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