Can you hear me?
Do you feel what I am saying?
Or have you tuned my voice out?
Can you see me?
Or am I like the the fog,
Dissipating throughout the day?
Are your eyes the ones that used
To look at me?
Do you still remember that which we
Used to do when you could see
And hear me?
It's silent now.
Sara
Vibrant, personable, confident, and smart
Sister of one; Amy is her name
Lover of laughing in unison, running barefoot in the rain, and listening to you read to me
Who feels joy when you reach out to me, fear when meteorologists forecast tornado warnings, and lonliness in a marriage of fourteen years
Who needs your touch, your ear, and your love
Who gives compassion, empathy, and perspective
Who fears not taking risks, growing old and being alone, and film noir endings
Who would like to see a different reality than my own, a vision of hope for those who have lost it, and a symbiotic relationship where I am loved the way I need to be loved
Who lives in a brick starter ranch house that isn't really a home
Aschom
Discovering something new
Can be frightening at times
Stepping outside
That which we've always known
Traditions
Comforts
Familiarities
Taking a risk for a chance to be happy
Exotic scenery
Different lodgings
New people
Seeing the world from my children's eyes
Fearless
Inquisitive
Drawn into tales of survival
Of Ojibwe encampments
The local dancers strutting their
Ritualistic dances
Honoring native birds
It is my wish today
That I find peace
Longing to be mesmerized
By the ceremonial rhythms
Of drums and flutes
The ethereal vocals calling me
Unearthing my torment
From the tangible dirt
Lifting my arms to a velvety
Obsidian sky
And the luminescent brilliance
Of possibility.
Indifference and want of affection
Have led me here
Not yet grown up
Until I learn to like coffee
Looking forward to lobster
And sushi
My first concert
Journeying from my house
That is no longer a home
Getting to know me
My spirit and soul I have abandoned
Long ago
Resigned to settle
Get up each day
Restless
Unhappy
I brush against you
Inadvertently at first
And then deliberately
No longer frightened
By the past or the future
Staying in the moment
Feeling the dry heat
Against my skin
Knowing someday soon
My very nature will be
Satiated
Through the rain, fog, sleet, and snow
I come to you
Ready to submit
Collared as I am
Succumbing to your power
And your embrace
Giving birth
To that which I implore
Master can you hear me?
Sometimes I think I can come out of this
But today I am far from clarity
My children are starting to suffer
I see my son freaking out
When he can't figure out a math problem
I don't get this he shouts
It's wrong my husband says
9 and 9 is 0
9 and 9 is eighteen
I lay on my bed
With the mattress cover off
Pretending I can't hear
Yet I hear it all
Still in my red bath towel
From an hour ago
Feeling alone
Though I know you are with me
Trying to offer support from afar
But you are helpless
And I still wonder why you hold on
When I am dangling
And struggle to see the light
A deep cavern separates us
Yet we mingle at the bottom of the pit
Together
While you guard my secrets
And hold out hope
That healing will come
One day for both of us.
Fetal position
And rivers of tears
Succumbing to weakness
And lots of fears
Can't go on like this
Just want to be free
To relax and be present
And just be me
Cannot cope
The more that I try
Want to be rescued from my sadness
Don't want to die
Blasphemous voices
Whisper again
Psychedelic rhythms
Loss of my friends
Crossing over the threshold
Wanting to fly home
Instead I blame myself
And continue to roam
Journey of the heart
A plethora to see
Wanting you here
But you just let me be.
Sitting
Still
Camouflaged
by the winter snow
Barely breathing
Exhaling
the silence of night
Blanketing the roars
Of noise
Sad sounds
Primal
Raw
Squeaking
Persisting
Penetrating
Yet again
Vigilant eyes
Waiting
Pressed against
The screen door
The one that
Remains locked
Left outside
Alone
Bolting for safety
Through the chain link fence
An illusion
Dragged back
Wet blood
Glistening
Under Orion
Immobilized
Again
And
Ripped
To
Sheds
