Can't take much more
Mentally
Physically
Spent
Weak
There are no heroes
To comfort me
While I am down
Inside I know
I have the strength
To thrive
Endure
Prosper
But what does it matter
If this world is one person less--
One less person to feed
Pollute
Lie
Deceive
Cheat
Hurt
Sin
Please tell me it's going to be ok?
That the hurting will stop
And I can come back into the fold
For this I pray.
A memory from long ago
Though not much time has really passed
Brings the salt tears to my eyes
Or a smile to my lips
I breathe in the fragrance of your love
With the sound of your voice
I step back in time
If only for a moment
I remember
A distant time and place
When things were better
Hard to remember
And yet I can't forget.
I love you
And I always will
You're not mine though
And I'm not yours
But in the deep recesses of my heart
You're mine
And I am yours
I can fantasize in my private place
And think of all the things I'd like to do
I am happy knowing
I had what I most value
At least for a little while
Your friendship and your love
Without that
I am dead
Saw myself floating in the Rock River
The other day
Tired of feeling
Loss
Sadness
Guilt
Anger
There's a piece of you in me
And a piece of me in you
I can't ask for that back
Though I'd like to every day
I still cry
Especially times like now
When I'm sick
And the man I married
Doesn't nurture
I will always love you
Hoping you're well
I've given up hope that someday
We can be friends
And for now have to know
This is for the best
That both of you can heal
Without me
I'm angry you didn't keep us safe
And now I have nothing
But the thoughts of your
Friendship
Before I crossed the line
Wish you would pick up the phone
Tell me it's going to be okay
Aching.
When I close my eyes
I can feel your breath on my face
Taking time to remember
Each and every day
You are with me
From the cafe
Or your bedroom
Encouraging my desire
We have fun
We laugh
We are young again
I love you
And I don't need you to say it back
It's enough pleasure to feel
Yesterday though when I closed my eyes
You weren't there
I saw the old railroad bridge
From when I was a little girl
You were speaking
But I couldn't make out the words
Muffled sounding
Scratchy
Instead of smiling and laughing
I couldn't breathe
My body was dangling from that bridge
With a tight rope around my neck
But instead of struggling
Gasping for air
I swung like a trapeze artist
Accepting the lack of breath
As the circus patrons
Crowded under the big top
Choke me please I begged
I always had this rape fantasy
And you are the stranger
I wanted to role play
And here I was giddy and lightheaded
In a reverie where you were dominant
And I was getting off
Yes oh yes
Rubbing your penis around my vagina
I tell you no
You suck on my breasts
And keep asking me
I say no
You penetrate me
With just the tip of your penis
You ask again
With my faint breath I tell you no
You penetrate me all the way
Slowly
Grabbing my neck as I orgasm
Hmmmmm
Maybe it's good you haven't called
I'm glad you weren't there
When I closed my eyes
You were getting too familiar
Now we keep getting better and better
Come on
I trust you
You bastard
I better be careful
I'm liking this sensation too much
No intention of slowing down
Though I've had a minor setback
One week and I'll know
If California calls my name
Looking forward to authentic friendships
And a willingness to forgive
Fostering community
Supporting new endeavors
Creating that tight knit society
One that increases awareness
Encourages leadership
And taking risks
Knowing that if I fall
I won't be ostracized
I can begin again
Embodying values
That cross cultures
Being community driven
Rather than personally driven
I am a go getter
Relaxed
Passionate
Creative
Compassionate
Investing in others
When I'm not sad or selfish or grieving still
I am focused and invested
Making a difference
In the lives of others
I am me.
Age 16
From Mexico
Youngest of two children
Brave
Leaving all she knows
For the year
We picked her up
From the airport
Sweet smile
She is part of our family
Lots of conversations:
Peer pressure
Household chores
Cell phone etiquette
Academic expectations
We started watching Dr. Who together
Shopped for her Prom dress
Stayed up past our bedtime
Waiting for her to come home
We may need to rethink that curfew
I started following high school
Girls' softball
Supporting
Validating
Understanding
I admit I'm green
My oldest is twelve
So I don't have much experience
With this teen
Living under my roof
We promised to provide
A safe and loving environment
I wish you had been around
To help answer some questions
You said you were sorry
And couldn't provide more
I just thought
You raised a teenager of your own
And look at her
She turned out well
But we're on our own: Tom, Grace, Miles, and Isaac
We're figuring it out
Her name is Regina.
Where is my courage
To live my dreams
Under a rock perhaps
Or so it seems
I woke up today
With a smile on my face
Like all the previous stressors
Had been erased
I'm not naive to think
They're suddenly gone
But I'm finding pleasure
In not having that frown
I'm connecting with self
Getting reacquainted with who I am
Stumbling recently
But it's not too late to begin again
My dreams are just
A courageous step away
And when I'm done crying
Perhaps I'll remember what it's like to play
Time to live my dreams
And love my life
I had forgotten my role
I am a wife.
