In Shock Still

I love you
And I always will
You're not mine though
And I'm not yours
But in the deep recesses of my heart
You're mine
And I am yours
I can fantasize in my private place
And think of all the things I'd like to do
I am happy knowing
I had what I most value
At least for a little while
Your friendship and your love
Without that
I am dead
Saw myself floating in the Rock River
The other day
Tired of feeling
Loss
Sadness
Guilt
Anger
There's a piece of you in me
And a piece of me in you
I can't ask for that back
Though I'd like to every day
I still cry
Especially times like now
When I'm sick
And the man I married
Doesn't nurture
I will always love you
Hoping you're well
I've given up hope that someday
We can be friends
And for now have to know
This is for the best
That both of you can heal
Without me
I'm angry you didn't keep us safe
And now I have nothing
But the thoughts of your
Friendship
Before I crossed the line
Wish you would pick up the phone
Tell me it's going to be okay
Aching.