Loved and Lost

In bed
Sick
Just wanting
to hear
The grimace
in your voice
And tell me
it's going to be
Okay
But I lost it all
Stupid girl
Why couldn't I have
Wasted that stupidity
When I was 17
Instead I wait until I'm
Grown
A grown woman
And then I fuck up
To hell with
Life
Is it really worth living?
I slide my money
Across the glass
Counter
Two for one Tootsie Rolls
Those were the good old days
At Hammons Variety Store
Now life isn't so good
Anymore
But do I want to go back?
If I do, I'm going to have to face
My mean sister
The one who chased me around
The house with a knife in her
Hands

Though difficult,
I'd go back
Rectify my decisions
Make different choices
May mean I may never
Get to talk with you
But at least then
She wouldn't hurt
I struggle with my choices
Everyday
Everyday

The time is getting closer
To say goodbye
To accept my knife - wielding
Sister
Of yesteryear
Move on
This is out of my control
Feeling powerless
The despondency
Never leaving me
Just masked by life
That got in the way
For a little while
And made me forget
Now I cry some more
Aching
Incomplete soul of mine
It's a bitch to feel